Archive for the ‘Grappies’ Category

No more cellulite

My geheim is ‘n virtuele werklikheid!


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GEORGE BUSH was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next when his telephone rang.“Howzit George!”, a broken English voice said. “This is Koos here from
the Doringboom Bar in Welkom , South Africa . I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring war on you boet!”

“Well, Koos,” George replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?”

“Right now,” said Koos, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself,
my cousin Jan, my next door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts
team from the pub. That makes eight!”

George paused. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command.”

“Blikkies-fontein!”, said Koos. “I’ll have to ring you back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again.
“George, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some
infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Koos?” George asked.

“Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombis, a bulldozer, and Vet
Gert’s John Deere Tractor”.

George sighed. “I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1,5
million since we last spoke.”

“Liewe Erdevark!” said Koos. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day.
“George, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We’ve modified Doepie’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns
in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia hengelklub have joined
us as well!”

George was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell
you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Slaat my dood!”, said Koos, “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. “Jis, jis, jis George! I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said George. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” said Koos, “we’ve all had a long chat over some “Klippies &
Coke”, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of

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